“I have enjoyed and learned and laughed. Thanks for helping us understand more what it means to be naked but not ashamed...” David

Dear Sean When I Was 15

A Letter to My 15-Year-Old Self on Guy Sexuality

Letter to SeanDear Sean,

At first blush this might sound like fatherly patter, but let’s shake that notion straight away. You’re me. You’re me a generation ago. You’re me — a sophomore in high school learning to drive a stick on the column, maintaining decent grades and drinking a six pack of beer with friends whenever you can finagle one. No need to be concerned, that will settle down.

I think concern over a guy talking to himself is over-hyped. I think our own voice is the first and most important voice that we need to hear. So, this is not some kind of “let’s change history because something has gone seriously wrong” type of history intervention. No, this is simply stuff that you need to be able to tell yourself. And stuff that you and other guys need to be able to tell each other.

I don’t have regrets about your sexually formative years (which, by the way, are mostly ahead of you) though it was a little strong on sexual apprehension and guilt. Religion and family does a number on you, doesn’t it? It is was it is, though, and when you get some new information and then expand your understanding of how that information shapes your life, you grow. I just think that a kid needs all the same sexual information as an adult. Informed, healthy sexuality shapes our lives as kids and as teens. It becomes more difficult later in life.

Talk Sex Whenever You Can

Listen up. It isn’t your responsibility to relieve people of their weird discomfort with sex as a subject of friendly small talk. Sex is a worthy subject in any kind of company. Let other people deal with their hang-ups in their own way. You don’t need to feed their avoidance by suppressing your natural sexual curiosity.

Get the information you need about sexuality from whomever you need. Mom and Dad are woefully inept in this department, yet keep in mind that some shaking up won’t hurt them. Talk to friends for sure. Find guys whom you can trust with the really personal stuff, and tell them whats on your mind. Their skittishness is their reality, not yours. If it’s important to you, talk. Believe me, gaining the skill to talk about who you are sexually will serve you well for a lot of years.

Respect Your Erotic Fascination

As long as you continue to talk about erotic ideas, you’ll eventually find yourself among both those who confirm your thinking as well as those who challenge it. If you honor your own interest, you won’t be dissuaded by those who seek to shame you for even thinking about sex. But if you keep your thoughts to yourself, there’s a good chance that you won’t find companions who think like you. This is experience talking here, so speak up. Remember that unlike you, most people pack a lot of effort into suppressing their own sexuality. What a waste.

It’s of little value to try to align your thinking with that of those who suppress curiosity, especially sexual curiosity. I think that fascination of humans with humanity that fosters okay-ness with ourselves. We need more okay-ness with ourselves. When others tell you that you’re not okay, keep walking. Your sexual curiosity is beautiful. Don’t exchange it for what is sold as purity, moralistic values, and especially don’t trivialize it. Be curious.

At 15Body Beautiful

Sexuality is that one aspect of ourselves that is wrapped through soul, mind, emotions and spirit, but is also totally embodied. So, how we feel about our bodies influences how we feel about ourselves sexually. We get a lot of messages about how we should feel about our bodies from those around us. You’ve heard them: You should be thinner; You should be muscular; You should dress fashionable; It’s vain to dress fashionable; You shouldn’t think about your body; You shouldn’t care what you body looks like.

Seriously, respect your own body and your feelings about your body. Your body is one pretty significant way you have the pleasure of expressing yourself for the years you live here. Enjoy the pleasure you experience with your body. Enjoy how your body appears to you. It’s not vain, and you don’t have to change it unless you want to.

So, Sean, I don’t want to tell you how to live, but until people start helping one-another feel good about themselves sexually, I think we’ll need to write these letters.

Lighten up a bit. Find people who think like you. And… yes you can, any time you want.


Sean. (You, many years from now.)

Photo — Flickr / Vee-vee

Flickr / ClickFlashPhotos / Nicki Varkevisser

Happy New Year!

Surly Cross-Check

2013 was decidedly orgasmic. I mean that in both a sexual and life energy sort of way.

If you could step outside of yourself for a couple of weeks, what would you hear yourself saying? I did just that in December 2013 and heard some surprisingly pleasing things. To hear me talk about it, life […]

Anal Fun Was Never So Affordable

It must be a remarkable deal to get me to post a giant banner ad, but this morning at the coffee shop, I saw this deal and I had to share it with you.

You know I’m a fan of Aneros, the famous male prostate massager. Today, and tomorrow–, Monday, Dec. 2nd and Tuesday, Dec. […]

D/s, The Heart of Kink

Blind Domination

Domination and Submission — Cleverly annotated by D/S or D/s. From a galloping horse it’s a kinky lifestyle of power exchange gone berserk. Possibly some feel D/s to be socially unsafe much less pleasurable. Quiz a random, middle-of-the road married couple on the street who’s the dom and who’s the sub in their house. They’ll […]

A Battle of Foreskins

Cut Male

Sometimes they’ve just got you by the foreskin. That little rag of flesh at the end (or which was at the end) of our penises dangles a lot closer to our soul than we know. The crafty male prepuce shamelessly thrusts its way into national and international debate becoming both the subject and the object […]

Dress For Sex—Wear A Condom

Cocks Wear Condoms

Conversation is lively around cartons of fresh colorful condoms ready for distribution at community events, parades and college campuses. We label and packaged them in various ways. We always laugh as we imagine every pre-lubed condom representing a hard and happy cock ready for some fun. Thousands of them.

Our condoms go into Safer Sex […]

Sexless Nights, Sexless Days

sexless nights, sexless days

Why don’t people have sex? A zillion reasons, but you want to know yours. If there’s anything that can make your heart ache, make you sob in your pillow and rehearse scenario after scenario of why and who’s fault, it’s too many nights and days gone sexless. Sexless love gone one day too long whips up a male mental brew of a beautiful relationship gone to hell and a self-image only marginally more desirable than a steaming pile of animal scat. […]

7 Guy Sexual Health Tips For The New Year

Sleep Outdoors

Contrary to what writing instructors teach — write what you know — I usually write what I’m learning. Guy sexual health and New Year’s resolutions are totally occupying my mind right now.

I’m not big into New Years resolutions, but I’m totally into fresh starts. Sexuality is one of those realms of life where it’s […]

How To Observe LGBT History Month


Don’t get hung up on the letters. They change almost weekly. And don’t get hung up on what they mean. Your sexuality is your history whether it’s LGBT or Q or XYZ. That’s reason enough to consider how you might observe LGBT History Month your way. Whether to you it’s Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender […]

How To Put On A Cock Ring

How To Put On A Cock Ring

It helps to understand how to put on a cock ring if you can imagine what it might be like to rope a calf. It’s really not that big of a physical feat, but essentially speed and good technique ensure success every time.

This Is How I Put On A Cock Ring

It’s […]