Not Just Another Cock & Ball Story

by | Dec 27, 2010 | Sexual Growth

What a guy calls his genitals in polite company is probably one of the most unnerving momentary decisions he’ll make. If he doesn’t call his organ “Marlon” or “Dick”, referring to his dangly bit as “penis” is more awkward than “I do”, than “No, officer, I don’t know how fast I was going”, or even than “I’ll take five cards.”

What a guy calls his genitals in polite company is probably one of the most unnerving momentary decisions he’ll make. If he doesn’t call his organ “Marlon” or “Dick”, referring to his dangly bit as “penis” is more awkward than “I do”, than “No, officer, I don’t know how fast I was going”, or even than “I’ll take five cards.”

Strangely, I find our English language incredibly miserly with great words when it comes to human genitals. Most of our descriptors of these organs which beget life, bring us boundless and unspeakable pleasure are at best unflattering. Here I sit, a writer of the most emotional subject known and I’m continually left wanting when it comes to powerful and beautiful words to describe a dick.

I have nothing to declare except my penis.
Oscar Wilde

Geeze, that’s disappointing.

“Penis” clinically does the trick when leveling with your doc or even your shrink about your guy issues. When it comes to sex, though, calling my piece “penis” leaves me feeling totally undone. I don’t feel like I’ve said anything. “My love, my penis throbs with the very anticipation of your magical touch.” I’ve described something anatomical, not something extending my soul. No, I’m very sorry, “penis” won’t do.

Then there’s “dick”, a word that’s both a descriptor of our manly genitalia as well as a deprecatory name for a dolt who in some way resembles genitalia. Somehow we’re forced to economize and our man handles were conscripted to pull double duty. “Idiot” just won’t do. We needed “dickhead”. I’ll stick with “dope”.

Can You Think Of 101 Ways?

I DID! Click To Learn More

I find a dearth of creativity in the guy who first chose the word “balls”, and I can’t give a lot of credit to the rest of us who disseminated this lame expression. Balls? Is that the best we can do to shower honor on these boys who generate millions of seeds and literally make us men? These swinging oysters who grace the tongues of our lovers as well as proffer private play of pocket pool deserve our deepest reverence. Brothers, let’s come upon one better than “balls”.

What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
William Shakespeare

I raise my glass to our jade wands. Help me out, guys. Leave a comment with some great words.

4 Comments

  1. Sean

    No, not too much. Balls may roll and yes, they’re fun to fondle, but in the passion of romance, they just don’t roll off the tongue. Still looking for the words. D. H. Lawrence simply writes “penis”. Ha! Only the master can get away with it and sound anything but clinical. What a guy.

  2. Brock

    Interesting thoughts you have. I guess I am just a little to simple about it all. I hate the sound of penis. To me it is kind of a degrading sound. But at the doctor’s office or in a professional sitting it is the word to use. But around guys I use the words dick or peter. In fact most of the time I refer to my guy down below as peter. And for my two cherries I simply use the word balls. At certain times I may use the word cherries. Sorry to let you down. If a neater word than balls comes along I am open to use it. But if you play a sports game using a ball what do you do with it? You hold it, roll it around and show how good you can play with it. So that is kind of what you do with your cherries. So therefor I call them balls. Am I sharing too much here? Brock.

  3. Sean

    Yes! Jewels. …and jewels imply relationship and heritage. Thanks!

  4. Robin D. Ader (@RobinDAder)

    My generation — I’m 60 — always called them “Jewels,” short for Family Jewels. I’m a little taken aback with this most recently development of “Junk” as a moniker. Sorry, but I find this self-deprecating term another indication of the erosion of male pride in, well, just being a man.

    I’ll stick with Jewels — objects of great intrinsic value, and priceless as currency in the sexual economy.

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

Share This