church beneath a snowy mountain

Sex Talk In Church

When you talk about sex and church in the same sentence, for most folks, hairs go up on the back of their necks. In our North American culture, sex and church go together like water and oil. Merlot and fish. Obama and Palin. S&M and Every Man’s Battle.

When you talk about sex and church in the same sentence, for most folks, hairs go up on the back of their necks.

Heck, it does for me, too.

Sex and Church — An Unlikely Pairing

In our North American culture, sex and church go together like water and oil. Merlot and fish. Obama and Palin. S&M and Every Man’s Battle.

In the recent years of my sexual recovery, I grew wary of any kind of sexual reference in church simply because I came to believe that God is the author of my sexuality and it’s a huge part of my spiritual expression. My church sanctuary ears came to expect sex to be either vilified as the source of evil or sidelined as irrelevant in the life of the sanctified.

Until Valentines Day.

I knew this church was different when I saw the text in the bulletin listed as the Song of Songs. It’s daring as most preachers feel the need to peg the writing as symbolic and then explain its meaning — way more work than any theologian wants to do before roast beef on a Sunday.

Then the pastor read the text from Song of Songs — slow and expressive called it — erotic poetry. This was Sunday morning. Sex is for Saturday night, I thought.

My ears perked. My jaw dropped.

After the reading, the pastor called it “delicious”.

Delicious? Did I hear that right?

I leaned in. I wanted to hear more. I wanted to hear more of this sex talk in church.

I took in every word of a straight-shooting message of love, sex, and the mystery of God.

I loved worshiping with a group where sexuality wasn’t stripped of its essence. I heard words like touch, messy, bodies, and mystery. I loved wrestling with this raucous thing of love and sex in the huge context of God, creation, and man.

And I especially loved grinning at the irony of being horny on Sunday morning and anxious to worship where there’s sex in church.

Photo by Mike Kotsch on Unsplash

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3 Comments

  1. Amen to the Songs of Songs. It’s time to let in a breath of fresh air especially for those of us who are desperately seeking to re-establish our sex lives. I do believe in procreative life in sex and agree with my church teachings…..when one is “normal”. At age 66, married with ED after prostate removal it’s a different story and I believe things should be opened up such as what is meant in the Songs of Songs. There should be more mental sexual freedom for those with ED and notrestrictions.
    Love in all acceptable ways. Respect while expressing love in many psychological and physical ways with your wife is utmost. The goal should be mutual satisfaction whether cuddling, holding hands, or sexual. If during mutual sexual expression climax occurs, that’s great. If climax does not occur, that’s great as well. One might say mutual satisfaction is attainable without a goal. Any other thoughts and feelings?

    1. Hi Marc,
      You raise a lot of great points. I don’t think SOS is about climax either although our society has pretty much imprinted climax on our sexual foreheads as the only objective in our sexuality. How about relationship? Connection? Personal growth? Spiritual growth? Enlightenment?
      I think many of us would do well to set aside orgasm for a time and engage in a ton of sex. I suppose some might not know what to do. Not a bad kind of bewilderment.
      Marc, some guys reinventing their sexual selves after ED have achieved a remarkable understanding and experience of sexuality, haven’t they? My hat off to you, sir! Thank you for your post.

  2. I went to live with my uncle, an episcopal priest,when I was 5 y/o.
    Ofcourse I had to attend church and even at that age I would sit there and stare at women and mentally undress them just like the naked ladies in religous art.

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