We Are Masturbating 30 Minutes For 30 Days In May 2018!
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OG Masturbate-A-Thon Log
Day 25 — Time To Play
It’s Friday, and the cusp of a long weekend for a lot of people. It’s when we think of leisure and all seriousness flees our intention. Time to get out the grill, head for the beach and get out the toys.
It’s time to play.
In writing about masturbation for as many years as I have and for as many years as I’ve enjoyed the practice, I’ve never lost touch with masturbation as play. Sure, I write a lot about the beneficial perspective, the human rights perspective and certainly the pleasure perspective. But play is yet, something different.
While we learn a lot about masturbation by reading and talking with friends, there’s an intuitive whimsy to be discovered and rediscovered which can never be taught. You don’t teach someone to play. You can only relieve the constraints, remove any compelling reason to masturbate and hope a person has a light heart. Then they’ll play.
Whimsical masturbation has qualities that always lighten the heart. Curiosity begins the session asking, “What if?” Then follows experimentation that appeals to the guy soul. This is where the craziest masturbation techniques and toys are born. This is where play happens all on its own. If you doubt that it’s play, check for a sense of delight, smile and laughter. Yes, it’s play.
Playful masturbation is truly that innocent. That pure. That simple.
I’ll be checking in this weekend. Don’t forget to play and don’t forget to comment. I wish you whimsy in your masturbation session today!
Day 24 — On Nakedness
I love being naked. I enjoy nudity as well, but I really like being naked. Naked and nude sound much the same but there are some really interesting distinctions between the words. Nude is a mere absence of clothing. Painting nudes. Nude beach. Shower in the nude. Nudity is shameful. And so on.
Naked, on the other hand implies more than absence of clothing. In being naked, you uncover more than just your body. You lay bare yourself. You expose your vulnerabilities. In this sense one could conceivably be naked and still have some clothes on.
I think it’s helpful to find within yourself a naked mindset when approaching masturbation and your sexuality altogether. Vulnerability is very useful socially. I think of a naked men’s yoga group that I was a part of for several years. The nakedness cultivated camaraderie of communal health. And the Russian banya I loved when I lived in Russia. It’s a powerful tradition of naked health, rest, celebration and mutual acceptance. You might be naked next to a billionaire, but you’d never know because in the banya, everyone is the same. Or I think of campfires with friends where we’re all naked, vulnerable and incredibly deep and honest and enjoying one another’s beauty both inside and outside. None of these settings are overtly sexual, but they’re very intimate. Nakedness makes them so.
To masturbate naked is ritual solo intimacy and preparing of your physical condition as well as your vulnerability for self to commune with self. Nakedness is a reduction of our self image to its honest basics void of any inflated self perceptions. It’s a relief of props and throwing off of pretension.
Nakedness in masturbation says, “I am enough.”
I hope you’ll join me in nakedness today. Leave a note in the comments. Let us know your discovery story of the beauty of nakedness. I wish you a truly great masturbation session today.
Day 23 — Body Intelligence
Our bodies are intelligent. Not smart, just intelligent. We’re born with a discerning capacity which for most of us goes largely untapped throughout our lives. Our bodies have memory, emotion, desire, circumspection and preference. Our body intelligence is different from brain intelligence in that bodies use no words or cognition. It is intelligence at a sub-cell level.
I frequently look to my body for understanding and decision-making. I especially look to my body in issues of well-being, companionship, safety and direction. In so doing, masturbation is an excellent way to know your body at a profound level. Some would advocate solo sex as a way to know your body to enhance partnered sex. Sure, there is that, but I believe that kind of thinking is somewhat short-sighted and more about justification and assuaging guilt.
Bodies know stuff our brains could never know. In masturbation, we create an intimate space with our body and communicate on indescribable levels. You create a relationship with virtually another entity which is also self.
How do you do this? In solo sex as in partnered sex, when you’ve evolved to the place where physical intimacy no longer has purpose, yet becomes your highest form of relating, you’ve discovered how. Essentially, you need to lose purpose.
Alan Watts says some interesting stuff on this idea. “Paradoxical as it may seem, the purposeful life has no content, no point. It hurries on and on, and misses everything. Not hurrying, the purposeless life misses nothing, for it is only when there is no goal and no rush that the human senses are fully open to receive the world.”
If you struggle to find another intelligent being with whom to relate, there’s always your body. Leave a note in the comments. We’ll enjoy your ideas! I wish you a most satisfying masturbation session today.
Day 22 — Flaccid Is Nice
I think it’s a pretty common assumption among non-penis owners that sexual pleasure is impossible without an erection. And, I think some penis owners buy into this thinking as well. It’s an unfortunate thing if you’ve never explored the mysteries and moods of a flaccid penis.
I know the feeling of panic of a penis deflating mid-tumble while it’s still required to be rigid. And I’m aware of zillions of people who struggle getting an erection sufficient to penetrate in order to play with their partner. It’s frustrating. And it’s also not what I’m talking about.
What I’m referring to is the incredible pleasure of a soft penis while masturbating. A flaccid penis generates its own amazing sensations and is perfectly capable of ejaculation. In fact, you can enjoy an equally thrilling masturbation session and come if you wish while totally flaccid.
The OG 2018 Masturbate-A-Thon is in large part about breaking patterns. Masturbation exclusively with an erect penis is surely a pattern and one that is worth breaking from time to time just for the fun of being contrary. But how do you keep your penis from becoming hard? Good question.
Some folk have no difficulty keeping their penis flaccid at all. In some conversations, that poses a problem, but not this one. My encouragement to you is to enjoy your penis soft no differently than you would if erections were possible.
But if you routinely and spontaneously get erections, you have the issue of avoiding an erection so you can play with your soft penis. In this case, you stimulate while your penis is soft, but when it waxes hard, you stop, relax and allow the erection to wane and then pleasure your penis again. Keep doing this cycle of play while soft and stop while hard. You’ll notice that with each cycle of waning flaccid that your penis becomes more and more sensitive to touch until the point of ejaculatory inevitability grows very close. Then you have a choice — ejaculate or not. Try ejaculating while flaccid just to know the feeling.
Enjoy your penis in all its moods. And shoot us a comment below with your ideas. I wish you a fantastic masturbation session today.
Day 21 — Healing Through Masturbation
Our bodies and minds are in a constant state of healing and regeneration. When we sleep, the body takes this opportunity to restore tissues and produce hormones which promote cell repair and reproduction. And our brains work like crazy in sleep times to re-index while we’re not calling upon it for new information or decision-making.
Wake time moments are also important for healing. Coffee breaks, quiet moments on public transportation, walks in the park or forest each lend it’s own quality of healing and restoration to body and mind.
And we give our bodies and minds more intentional opportunities for healing in practices like meditation, yoga, tai chi, tantra and of course masturbation.
Yesterday, I returned from an enjoyable but physically taxing weekend biking and camping. The biking was fine, but it was very windy and cold. The energy of the constant wind not only chilled me through but drained my energy. When I got home, unpacked and had relaxed, my body and mind wanted something quiet and restorative. Some very quiet, mellow masturbation re-balanced both my body and mind. My sleep was deep, uninterrupted and healing.
The trick is to take your body’s cue as to how it wants to be touched. In my case, my need for healing came from physical fatigue and unbalanced energy. If it had been emotional pain, my touch may have been quite different. Before you begin a session, take a few minutes to listen to what your body wants and only then respond. There is no formula. You simply learn to listen and respond. Your body will tell you if it’s right or not.
Let us know how your practice heals your body and mind by leaving a note in the comments. I wish you a great session today!
Day 19 — It’s In The Dance
Have you ever made faces in the mirror and then realized that someone was watching you? No? Maybe something else? People have their alone behavior when they’re feeling expressive. It’s sometimes very different from what they would do in the company of others. Sometimes dramatically different.
I’m talking about masturbation and movement. Maybe you’ve tried it, but then felt self-conscious even though no one was around. Think about putting on a jazzy playlist and dancing naked. No? Think getting all hard and then fucking the air? No?
See what I mean? Movement and masturbation brings on some pretty self-conscious reactions. This tells me it might be a really cathartic thing to try. Movement does just that. Movement syncs the aspirations of the mind with the present moments in the body. Movement gets you out of your head and into your body — just what we want with masturbation.
I was at a week-long training a couple of years ago and we did an exercise where you did an eight-minute interpretive dance to a music selection. No prep. Just dance to the music for eight minutes and your partner simply observes you. Afterward they tell you what they saw happening in your dance. This was one of the most powerful experiences I think I’ve ever had. I’ll never forget it. Why?
Because I can’t dance.
But then I discovered I can dance, because I just did. When you’re alone in your own private solo sex session, you can do whatever you please. That’s why it’s solo. That’s why it’s sex. It’s for you to be you in any way you want. If you want to move and interpret your feelings and sexual expression through movement. Do it. Just dance.
Let us know how movement plays a part in your solo sex life by leaving a note in the comments below. I wish you an awesome session over the next two days! I will be off camping in the woods so I won’t be posting tomorrow. I’ll catch up with you on Monday.
Day 18 — Masturbation & Aging
I’ve been writing a sex and aging workshop curriculum. 25% of people late in life, regardless of their partner status, continue to practice self-stimulation at least once a week. Masturbation will always be important. One thing that I have noticed in preparing this training is that the behaviors and practices that people develop early in life are the same things they practice late in life.
What do I take from that? Make peace with your sexual practices now. So many wrestle with should and shouldn’t and having time for sexual pleasure. If you don’t establish a value of caring for your sexual self early in life, you won’t. A quote attributed to Mark Twain, “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
If you can’t apply that kind of thinking to your practice of cultivating a personal sexual life, you likely won’t develop your thinking. As people age, it becomes more and more difficult to modify an attitude or to acquire a new value. Unfortunately, social norms regarding sexuality among older folk call for a decline in sexual interest. Long-term care facilities look askance on residents masturbating in their apartments or enjoying sex with another resident or visitor. They see it as a behavior problem.
Fortunately, that kind of thinking is changing and long-term care facilities are recently examining their policies and practices and making changes to align with the WHO definitions of sexual rights and sexual health for all people — young and old alike. It’s zillions of pieces of language like you and I exchange on these topics that bring these changes about. Discussion in the open moves public thought.
Share your thoughts on your future sex life in the comments below! We’d love to hear from you. Enjoy your solo practice today!
Day 17 — Making Space
Sometimes we add stuff into life just to make it feel more important. All that results is clutter. In art, the negative space or the spaces between the elements of an image are as important as the elements of the image themselves. Sometimes more important. Sometimes the negative space itself become an interesting or pleasing design element lending to an aspect of the message of the piece.
Thinking about my masturbation practice and my sex life as a whole, I’ve recently considered each aspect. Why is it there? Is it just filling space or does it somehow seem obligatory? Can I sometimes eliminate it? Orgasm or intensity for example — while they may be an important element of some sessions, do they need to be a part of every session? And if so, which ones and why?
The more intense aspects of our sex lives have a way of filling space and sometimes more than their share of space. They can obscure real and important meaning. Perhaps the important message here is, can we create a more powerful sex life with as few pieces as possible? What pieces are they?
Here’s an example. In how many of my masturbation sessions recently, have I lingered for awhile after coming or even just at the end to soak in the vibe? Rushing off to the next thing in a day makes me miss the quiet melancholy that sometimes follows a particularly intense session. This quiet is very likely the most like me that I’ll be all day. And I rush off and miss it.
Today, I’m mindful of the negative spaces of my sex life. What meaning do they lend to the whole of my life? Share your ideas in the comments below. I wish you an awesome session with beautiful negative space, today!
Day 16 — Masturbation & Meditation
Masturbation with meditation is graduate school self pleasuring. Here you notch it up a bit and wrap your head around this whole concept.
“Know thyself,” the socratic imperative to understand you before attempting to understand the obscure things of this world, lends a conjugal twist to the marriage of meditation and masturbation. And when you think on it this way, the practices harmonize very well.
Try this. Have some lube in reach if you use it. Sit cross-legged on the floor or the edge of a pillow to tip yourself forward just a bit — this takes pressure off your back so you can sit longer. Adjust your spine and the tilt of your head so all is aligned. Rest your hands in your lap. Take three very deep breaths and let them out very slowly and gently allow your eyes to close.
Begin to very gently masturbate — very slowly throughout your entire session. Your arousal should be no more than a low peaceful ebb. With your eyes closed, from inside, focus your attention on a spot on your brow between your eyes just above the bridge of your nose. We call this the third eye. Keep your focus there.
As you breathe slowly and evenly, notice the sensation of the air coming through your nostrils, nasal passages and sinuses in your head. Maintain this combination of focus on the third eye, even breathing, notice of breath sensation and genital massage. Stay here for as long as you like. Expect only knowledge of yourself and little else.
This is an easy meditation / masturbation combo and very effective at calming the inner person. I hope you enjoy it and feel refreshed. Leave a note in the comments letting us know your meditation ideas. I wish you a great session today!
Day 15 — Best Lube For Masturbation
We’re halfway through the month of May, Masturbation Month and the OG 2018 Masturbate-A-Thon! If you’ve been following and practicing mindful masturbation this month, kudos to you! You’re doing some awesome stuff for yourself and in doing so, you’re doing awesome stuff for everyone else!
Years ago I discovered a lube for masturbation that literally beat all others. And I’ve tried a lot of lubes since I started with bar soap when I was a teen. Soap was a really bad scene as was conditioner, hand lotion, shaving cream, Vaseline and baby oil. Today, I use coconut oil for literally everything except toys. When I play with toys I use Waterslide because oil-based lubes can damage toys.
Coconut oil is good for your skin, anti-fungal, anti-bacterial, non-staining, easy to find and not expensive. A cool thing about coconut oil is that you can adjust the slick factor simply by how much oil you use. If you’re just stroking your dick use less; balls too, use a little more; stroking with both hands, use a lot more.
The best feature of coconut oil for events like the OG Masturbate-A-Thon is the enduring quality of coconut oil. It lasts forever. One application can last you an hour easily. You soak in just a little bit and the rest remains on the surface to provide the perfect slick factor for your stroking fun. Also, for long sessions, coconut oil protects your skin. Anything you find in your bathroom won’t do that.
Give coconut oil a try! Let us know about your favorite masturbation lube in the comments! I wish you a great session today!
Day 14 — Arousal & Breath
Breath is mostly an involuntary action, and we think of breath as an indicator of other stuff going on — anxiety, exertion, hyperventilation, etc. But we can also use breath to change conditions in our body — especially sexual arousal.
Try this. Bring your arousal to a moderate level and then settle in for some very even breathing. Not deep breathing, but fill your lungs. Make your inhales the same length as exhales. Experience that marriage of breath and arousal for awhile. Keep it moderate.
Next, raise your arousal a bit and modify your breathing to make your exhales longer than your inhales. So, take those breaths but let them out slowly. As you let them out imagine your arousal diffusing throughout your body. Or try moving the arousal to specific places such as your chest or legs.
The first times you do this you’ll likely be paying more attention to doing two things at the same time — breathing and stroking. Be patient. Once you are confident with the longer exhales, you’ll find that you can tone down the arousal and the arousal becomes much more complex and intense. You’ll also notice a greater sense of ejaculatory control.
Work on this breathing coupled with masturbating. It will reward you well. Enjoy!
Share your ideas of breath and sexual arousal in the comments. We’d love to hear from you! Enjoy your session today.
Day 13 — A Great Reflection
Masturbation is a startling reflection on who we are. Especially when you bring a mirror into the mix. I’m not sure why on this but guys have a tough time with mirrors. Those of you with vulvas have been using mirrors to help navigate your genitalia and learn to masturbate well for years. Betty Dodson, author of two books on masturbation ran group classes for many years on learning your genitalia and confidence in masturbation through the use of mirrors.
There are two aspects to the mirror’s role in this ritual. One is to gain a better perspective on body parts — genitals, anus and so on. If you can see at the same time you touch, you gain the upper hand on nuanced sensation. Basically, your touch skills are greatly refined.
Second, though, is the mirror’s role as reflecting your face and body. A large mirror has the advantage of capturing the wild movement and expression we create when masturbating. It can make you laugh, love or scare you. And none of those are bad, but all good. The mirror is a great way to learn a higher level of self acceptance.
Have a look at yourself while you’re in your session today if even for a short while. But, do this — look yourself in the eye and unmistakably declare that you’re enough. That will stick, I promise.
Let us know how you’re doing in the comments. Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers reading today! I wish you a great session!
Day 12 — Masturbate Blindfolded
Mindfulness in masturbation can really take you to a new level, and some meditative focus can help you be mindful. And we’ll discuss that in a couple days. First, though, I want to suggest a quality that I’ll call confinement. It’s a way of removing excess so that your body and brain are less distracted and can take you toward that new level.
A reader suggested a couple things you can do. Thanks, J! One that I’ve had an opportunity to try is amazing. You simply masturbate blindfolded. It has a quality different from closing your eyes or masturbating in the dark. Blindfolded, you’re actually relieved of distraction and feel highly focused on yourself, your body and your sensations. Your consciousness has a new quality. I can also imagine combining this with losing yourself in an instrumental playlist; though, I haven’t tried it.
The other is taking your practice to a closet or small space such as a monk would do. I don’t have a closet with enough space to try this! But I will think of something for the cause!
Confinement is simply creating a container for your consciousness. We already do that by suggesting a 30 minute container of time. You can cultivate this quality in other ways as well, by removing things from your space where you masturbate such as clutter, and energy-sapping things like dirty dishes and items in the room that give you bad feelings. If you look around with an eye to that you’ll notice.
And… reminding you that What Guys Do: 101 Male Masturbation Techniques plus the amazing “My Body” by SonoTouch are on sale right now for only $15 — a small amount to invest in your personal pleasure. That’s $7 off! Go over there and check it out. You’ll be glad.
And leave a note in the comments. Share your ideas about creating space for your practice. I wish you a great session today!
Day 11 — How Do You Show Up?
How are you showing up for your masturbation sessions? I’m hearing a lot of folk talk about a myriad of emotion and arriving at an opportunity to masturbate and actually not feeling like it. Surprised me. I thought I was the only one who was that volatile. No, everyone is.
How are people feeling? It’s the normal stuff of life, really. We can definitely can show up aroused but also really distracted, overwhelmed and busy with life, bored, anxious and angry. Everyone has a day or days that they have to negotiate and showing up to masturbate isn’t necessarily bliss. Right?
Unfortunately, the stuff of life stops us from allowing ourselves the healing pleasure that we need.
But seriously, is a mind blowing orgasm the thing you have in mind when you just got dissed at work? Probably not. It honestly sounds annoying to me. I’d want to numb the pain of being offended.
And this is where the contrarian medicine of sex comes in. Before you pour a scotch or turn on the porn or Neflix, just chill. Allow yourself to breath and give your central nervous system a chance to reset. When you feel like it…
When you feel like it… give your body the light assuring touches that it wants. Take time and sense what’s next. Maybe the orgasm isn’t in the cards today. That’s cool. You’re learning your body and what it wants. And if you believe it, your body — at this moment — is just a bit smarter than your brain and is better at dealing with the ridiculous stresses of life than our brains are. You see bodies don’t usually seek revenge and look for justice. They just want to feel good.
Relax. No one is immune from the sensations that stop us from self pleasure. You should feel in good company. Let us know how you deal with stress and self pleasure. Drop a note in the comments. I wish you a great session today!
Day 10 — Full Body Stimulation
Is it still masturbation if you don’t stimulate your penis? Is it still masturbation if you don’t orgasm? Is it still masturbation if you don’t ejaculate?
Of course. Though, a lot of definitions add the little tag “to orgasm”, that’s ridiculous. We’re beyond that.
But we’re not just talking about words today, we’re also talking about experience. Our bodies are so incredibly sexually evolved that we likely barely touch their sexual potential. Today, I want to encourage you to venture into new territory by suggesting some destinations.
It’s easy to be quite penis-focused with masturbation and thus miss other body parts which all deserve our attention. Try focusing on a couple without including your penis in the practice for a day. That way your penis doesn’t dominate. Start with anything you want, but I’ll make a couple suggestions.
Some say that guy nipples are hard-wired to their penis. Try this out and see how it feels. Use a variety of very light touches — barely more than a brush — to pinches. Try circular motions moving in and out stimulating the broader area around the nipples as well as focusing only on the center. Incorporate lube if you like. Give yourself a 30-minute session to just focus on nipples.
Another forgotten area to explore in the anus. Start with a simple press on the anal opening as if it were a doorbell. Back off to light touches and brushing while you focus on allowing your pelvic floor muscles to completely relax. Use kegels to help you identify pelvic floor muscles and then let them go. Probe inside if you like. You may want to use lube to help you get one or two fingers inside your anus. If you probe far enough you can reach your prostate and give it a gentle massage.
Finally, try a hands-free day. Only using focused contraction and relaxing of pelvic floor muscles, allow yourself to cultivate pleasure and move it with your mind throughout your body. Try reverse kegels. Once you contract your pelvic floor muscles, focus on relaxing them and then use a gentle push to give yourself a very open and sort of reverse tensed sensation in your pelvis. Once practiced it feels wonderful.
Any of these techniques can easily trigger orgasm. Any can trigger ejaculation. However, that’s not really the goal. The goal is to break patterns and fully experience your pleasure. There are unlimited possibilities. Explore.
Leave a note in the comments and share your idea. I wish you some great sessions today!
Day 9 — Me Time
Nine days into the OG Masturbate-A-Thon, I’m noticing one very distinctive thing which has very little to do with technique, orgasm or arousal. Whereas masturbation used to be a “when I get around to it” activity, now, it’s “me time”. It’s as important part of my day as eating or hygiene. While I haven’t missed a 30-minute session (Ha! A few days I had several sessions), I think I would feel very deprived of my pleasure time if I did.
I’m enjoying a general sense of well-being and greater self respect. I’m guarding things which I know are good for me like exercise, outdoor time, healthy food and my practice this month of avoiding the news. I’m also noticing more spontaneous erections. While this may have something to do with having not ejaculated yet this month, I also think it’s anticipation of my next masturbation session. All of those are nice feelings because I’m not generally feeling horny or anxious, just pleasantly erotic.
Knowing that I’ll enjoy a 30-minute time of pleasure, I also find myself planning those sessions. And it’s not a sense that I have to do it, I really look forward to it. I have a natural tendency toward the elaborate, so with my masturbation sessions especially on busy days, I try to encourage myself to keep it simple. Though, I’m naturally oriented to penis stimulation and play — that’s what I really enjoy — I also am focusing on other parts of my body. I’m noticing that this is also opening up new experiences and sensations.
I’m certain that this practice will go beyond the month of May in some form. I think the prioritization of “me time” is an important part of being human, self-care and self respect.
How is your masturbation practice showing up for you this month? Is there something distinctive? Share in the comments below. We’ll enjoy hearing from you! My best to you as you treat yourself well today!
Day 8 — Masturbation Is Real Sex
Occasionally you encounter the solo sex versus partnered sex question when discussing masturbation. Some feel masturbation is a fill-in sexual activity when they’re not having sex with a partner, and partnered sex is preferred.
I detect moral conflict in that position. I also detect homophobia — not the I’m afraid of same sex attraction type, but the I’m afraid of sex with me.
It’s clear those internal conflicts exist because there is no reason to feel you’re in a position to have to choose between masturbation and partnered sex. You can have both or one or neither. The choice is entirely yours.
In addition, masturbation and partnered sex are very different sexual behaviors and really shouldn’t be compared in an either-or way. The more accurate way to think of them is as a progression. Masturbation is closer to the source of our sexual self and defines our most basic sexual attitudes and behavior. Masturbation shapes our ability to give and receive pleasure. Partnered sex in turn finds itself defined in large part by our attitudes and experiences with masturbation.
Having said that, it seems to me that if a person has a poor feeling about masturbation, it’s going to negatively impact their partnered sex experience. The converse is then also true. If a person cultivates a rich and curious masturbatory life, their partnered sex will reflect that fullness and become much more satisfying than if they’d neglected solo sex.
Let us know how you see solo sex and partnered sex line up in the comments. I wish you a rich and fulfilling session today!
May 7 — When Do You Come?
To come or not to come. Maybe that’s never your question. And yet, it could be the most significant question. Here’s why.
Ejaculation or coming is the single event in a guy masturbation session that defines the experience in the most ways. It motivates us to start masturbating. It drives us through our session with anticipation. The intensity of ejaculation defines the quality of the session. The amount of semen and how far it shoots defines the wow factor of the session. And finally, yes finally, ejaculation signals the completion of masturbation. We then mop up our mess, tuck our now-flaccid…. oh wait… ejaculation usually ends our erection as well.
If our OG 2018 Masturbate-A-Thon is about cultivating peace, bliss, enjoyment and breaking patterns that make us crazy, the question of coming just might be an issue worth exploring. If you remove just the one element of ejaculation from the masturbation session equation, you might blow your masturbation experience wide open to many sensations, experiences and hidden surprises.
It worked for me. Years ago, I read Mantak Chia’s book, The Multi-Orgasmic Man on a plane on the way to Turkey. I couldn’t wait to land and get someplace where I could work on this. I did and discovered the secret gate to zillions of hidden sexual gems. But there was one hidden gem that out-shined them all.
When you don’t ejaculate, there’s no reason to stop the pleasure.
That’s right. Remember all the goofy things that ejaculation controls in our masturbation sessions? They all point to the finale. And if there’s no ejaculation, there’s much more room for other surprises.
Try it. Start your next masturbation session with the intention of not ejaculating. I promise you, the first time, you’ll be at sea because you won’t know what to do with yourself. Don’t worry, though, it simply means you broke a pattern, and you’ll get used to the idea that you can pleasure yourself for a long long time, and you’ll learn that you can and frequently do enjoy extended orgasmic sessions that go on and on.
Leave a note in the comments and let us know how ejaculation impacts your masturbation sessions. Thanks for reading. Stroke on!
May 6 — Early Ejaculation
What if ejaculation frequently shortens your masturbation time? It’s an understandable question because time spent playing is what it’s all about, and we often see ejaculation as the “end”. So much can be written on this, but I’ll mention one mindset and a couple techniques.
For most, ejaculating early is changed with a mindset and learning some skills. It’s a process of getting to know your body and own your arousal. A significant part of arousal is our intense sensation of ejaculatory inevitability or what we sometimes call the point of no return. A huge stride to managing ejaculation is how you think about this sensation. The only way to change how you think about it is to practice arousing yourself to the edge of ejaculatory inevitability and learn to own, love and play with this sensation. You need to get face-to-face with your arousal frequently.
There are many things you can do to play with this sensation, but I’ll mention two here.
The first is to diffuse your arousal by frequently moving or changing where and how you stimulate yourself. Sneak up on your ejaculatory inevitability by stimulating your body far from your genitals at first and gradually move toward your genitals. As your genitals arouse, back away and approach again — kind of like you’re pouring water. Think of your arousal as a glass of water. The water doesn’t slosh if you fill it slowly. Your arousal is no different. Fill yourself slowly and gently and eventually, you’ll play with it full to the brim without sloshing.
Second, is what to do when you ejaculate before you intend. Lose the “Oh, shit!” Ejaculation is not a failure, but an incredibly pleasant feeling. What do you do? Don’t stop playing. Push past the urge to quit, play in your cum, and get aroused again. The key here is to teach your body that ejaculation is not an ending, but a lovely part of your experience which you can delay at will.
Leave your ideas about how you manage ejaculation and intense arousal in the comments! Thanks for reading and get masturbating!
May 5 — Solo Sex Reset
Some folk find masturbation has a wonderful reset quality. It’s Saturday, and masturbating on Saturday is totally different from masturbating on say, Tuesday or Thursday. It’s just because of my work week. I find it centers me and allows me to let go of a whole lot of accumulated burden and worry.
Those mid-week sessions of pleasure are sweet when you’ve just done a lot of work or finished a hard week or are about to do something that demands a bit of you. Masturbating then allows you to gather what you need and let go of what you don’t need. And you find yourself re-centered and okay again.
But how does the reset work? We know that the vast majority of sexual stuff is in our heads. Masturbation is no different. If there are times when you masturbate and you just can’t get it going, It’s likely that your mind is in a funk, you’re distracted or possibly angry. Maybe best you don’t masturbate and do some meditation or yoga or go for a walk first.
I find masturbation has the reset quality when I want the reset quality. It’s the same as when I go to sleep. I say to my mind, “I desire it. It’s available to me. I will allow it.” And it’s that third statement really that I think is the magic. It’s when you decide to allow any kind of sexual energy or pleasure to happen is when it happens. Sexual experience is far more about allowing than making.
Your body knows what to do. Allow it.
How does it impact you? Thanks for leaving a comment!
May 4 — Masturbatory Thought
What should you think about while masturbating? As if we have control of those thoughts. Actually, we do. Remember that if a thought is unpleasant for you, use the phenomenon of “other” that I wrote about yesterday and ask your brain to switch off that thought and move to another. Strangely, this works.
But masturbatory thoughts. Many of us move into a fantasy land. I think of fantasy as the brain’s erotic playground and with the physical stimulation we provide during masturbation, we enjoy not only body play but mind play. Fantasy is an opportunity to try out scenarios in your head — endless “what ifs” or “I would like that”. Remember, it’s not real. A lot of guys get sidelined by guilt when it comes to fantasy. That’s so unnecessary because fantasy is an important part of our natural psychological processes.
Some guys work out creative ideas during masturbation — art, music, poetry, a garden project, gaming code, wood project. It’s so healthy because it integrates support and pleasure with your creative processes. Masturbation allows your brain to shift in a very big way to creative activity. It’s why we often find ourselves wanking when we need a good idea. How many stuck writers wind up with their dick in their hand? It makes sense. It works.
And… reminding you that What Guys Do: 101 Male Masturbation Techniques plus the amazing “My Body” by SonoTouch are on sale right now for only $15 — less than the cost of a pizza. That’s 32% off! Go over there and check it out. You’ll be glad.
Enjoy your 30 minutes today or whatever you do. And leave a note in the comments. Let us know your ideas about masturbation and what goes on in our heads.
May 3 — The Concept of Other
If there’s one thing that is likely the most profound yet frightening aspect of masturbation, it’s that you play both roles in sexual play. Yes, you’re both the giver and receiver. It’s a paradox, I know. It’s the most unnerving and most avoided feature of guy masturbation. I’ll mention a couple of the interesting aspects and then make a suggestion or two.
While a lot of guys like to masturbate, they also avoid this two-role aspect. It feels a bit homoerotic to some, and that is why, for most of us, our homophobia kicks in. Mindful masturbation is a great tool to grow out of homophobia.
But another reason it’s frightening is that a lot of us experience difficulty receiving in an intensely intimate exchange. It’s difficult for us to acknowledge intensely personal kindness and gracefully receive. So, we throw up barriers in our masturbation sessions by getting off quickly, viewing porn, playing loud music, jerking fast — anything to block out the idea of “other”. We’re fearful of receiving intimate affection from the “other” who is constantly in us.
Coming around to the amazing side and how to first experience this sensation of “other”, when you pleasure your genitals, notice the sensation both in your genitals as well as your finger tips. You’ll need to use a very light touch at first. For those with penises, feel the weight of your penis in your hand and in your mind switch back and forth from giver to receiver.
Some guys find growth in this area by masturbating in front of a large mirror, incorporating movement or dance and talking to themselves. Look yourself in the eye in the mirror and simply say, “Thank you.” In this way you practice both giving and receiving and relating to you as both self and “other”.
Imagine how cultivating comfort with yourself in this way and building a skill of easily receiving and acknowledging intense kindness could impact relating with other people.
The role of “other” is probably the most difficult aspect for guys and masturbation to feel comfort, but the most rewarding. I hope you’ll practice. Share your insight and experience in the comments below. Thanks for visiting.
May 2 — Drop Into Your Zone
In recent years I’ve become more and more conscious of the role my body has in my life other than carrying my brain around and holding my guts together. I have this new awareness partially because of the science I’m reading and partially experience. We now know that things like stress, happiness, fear and sexual pleasure all bring change to our body on not only cellular levels but molecular as well as in the various microbiomes of our body.
That is why I’ve learned to not only change up the ways in which I pleasure my body, but look for ways to synchronize my pleasure with things like my surroundings, the weather, my moods and how I want to feel. The erotic energy I create through masturbation is a life force. It’s different from all the other forces we experience each day and one to learn to get into.
I found myself in that zone a few times yesterday and each time was a unique experience and for completely different purposes. Honestly, I rarely masturbate simply to get off any more.
Years ago I was challenged by reading Mantak Chia on a flight to Turkey to learn to last at least twenty minutes. At that point in my life, that was hard. Partially, I was bored, and partially, I just wanted to come. But I stuck with it and learned so much about my body, this energy, the nuance of pleasure and the bigger picture and mystery is how it fits in my life and gives my life both pleasure and meaning.
Enjoy Day 2 of the OG 2018 Masturbate-A-Thon. If you’re thinking, “What the heck? I just want to jerk off!” then slow down and notice your body. Notice some detail. Enjoy a little boredom. Stick with it for a month. You’ll be glad you did because you’ll discover a part of yourself you really don’t want to miss.
Leave a note in the comments about your discovery. Thanks for reading and joining the event!
May 1 — Masturbate-A-Thon Begins!
What an interesting way for the Masturbate-A-Thon to begin for me! Here in the north country it’s dark and drizzly. Nature has so many moods and so do we. it’s nice when you can acknowledge those moods and get in sync with them.
So, I decided to start my May month of masturbation very quietly. For me, anything different would have been pushing something where it didn’t want to go. I know that. It felt so nice to respect my body and wake up slowly with quiet muted pleasure.
How do you begin? I have a few ideas for you this morning. Use them if you like. Or use them as a catalyst to discover your own practice. Whatever you do, make it your own. Masturbation should be uniquely you.
I like to begin before I begin. Before I arrive at that moment where I know I have 45 minutes and I’m taking off my clothes, it’s nice to have a few things already in place. It avoids interruptions during an “in your zone” session. Here they are:
Solitude: For some it’s nice to let others know you’re masturbating so that they will leave you alone. Or use a Do Not Disturb sign or signal. However you do it, you want to be alone and unaware of what others are doing. And at least for this practice, what you do is private. It allows you to be the most you. You shouldn’t have to curb your expression because someone won’t understand.
Comfort: You want to be warm enough or cool enough in a soft enough place. Pillows, cushions, blankets. Plan for comfort.
Ambience: If you enjoy soft music and lighting, go for it. If you want to be absolutely alone with your own body sounds and moans, awesome! Maybe you talk or sing to yourself. Create lights and sounds or no lights and sounds.
Lube & Towels: Everyone has their lube or no lube preference. Discover yours by trying some new ideas. I love coconut oil. Have something on deck for eventual messy sessions. It is nice, though, to have those occasional sessions when your mess is of absolutely no consequence and you rest and play in your cum. I’m guessing you’re like me and conscious of laundry and upholstery. Have a towel nearby.
One more note. Planning how you’ll end avoids those abrupt endings of just cleaning up and getting dressed. Today, my ending was as quiet as the beginning. It set the quiet tone for the day. End gently and with deep respect for your body and mind so you easily transition out of your zone and back to your day.
What ideas do you have for preparation or planning? I’m sure I’ve missed some of the obvious, so you need to help me out. How did you or will you begin your masturbation session on today, May 1st? Leave a note in the comments. Thanks for sharing your ideas and experiences.
April 30 — Warm-Up Day
Tomorrow, the OG 2018 Masturbate-A-Thon begins! As with anything, we do best when we approach with intention and a flexible plan. Here’s mine:
- Masturbate 30 minutes daily in May;
- Practice listening to my body for its cues as to desire, health and guidance;
- Be outside as much as possible. At least one overnight campout in May;
- Read or watch absolutely no news in May.
I always enjoy approaching things as an experiment. It works for me because with an experiment, there’s never failure — only learning. David Ley writes about his approach to sexuality using three qualities: suspend judgement; trust yourself; take a gentle approach. And such will be my approach.
I hope you’ll make a simple plan today. Make it easy so you’ll learn about the person most important to you and deserving of your affection: you. Jot your plan in the comments below. See you tomorrow for the first day!
April 29 — Warm-Up Day
Two days to Masturbate-A-Thon! Wahoo!
I have great news for you! Starting May 1st, you can get a special price on the What Guys Do: 101 Male Masturbation Techniques eBook with the “My Body” by SonoTouch body acceptance audio session package.
Currently, the package is selling for $22. For the month of May, I’m offering it to you for only $15. That’s a 32% discount for masturbators! These two products will really enhance your month of masturbation. The “My Body” by SonoTouch audio session is an amazing masturbation companion and at almost 25 minutes, for the Masturbate-A-Thon is just about the right length.
Don’t wait; check it out right now here. I hope you enjoy! Remember, the price goes down on Tuesday!
How are you doing? What are you planning for your sessions in the month of May? Let us know in the comments.
April 27 — Warm-Up Day
The OG 2018 Masturbate-A-Thon begins soon! Share this post on your favorite platform. Let others know.
Why 30 days and why 30 minutes? Some of us get off every day anyway. We know that it takes 30 days to establish a new habit, adjust an attitude or change a belief. Our stressed and hectic days usually sideline our erotic life. We need intention and a plan to recover and allow ourselves to grow. 30 days gives you the chance to effect real change in your life and establish something important for only you.
We want to do even more than that though. The OG Masturbate-A-Thon is designed with the 30-30 to establish true mindful masturbation. This is not masturbation for just getting off at all. In fact, you might decide not to even come. It takes most of us about 30 minutes to escape distraction, focus, integrate your body, mind and spirit and drop into your zone.
Plan where in your day you’ll put those 30-minute erotic getaways. Put it on your calendar now.
Create something or find something that will help you form and frame your erotic practice — story, art or something meaningful that will help you dip in and start your erotic pleasure. Tell what you’re doing in the comments.
I’ll be out backpacking tomorrow, so I’ll catch you on Sunday. And… yes… No doubt masturbation in the forest is in the plan for this first trip after a very long winter. See you Sunday!
April 26 — Warm-Up Day
I’m looking forward to a month of personal discovery. What can I learn? What can my body teach me? What have I lost that I can regain?
That also reminds me to encourage you to separate your mindful masturbation practice from porn at least for that part of your day. Enjoy porn if you like but separate. Mindful masturbation is for you to engage with yourself, cultivate the erotic in yourself and allow yourself deep pleasure. Porn can be a pretty serious distraction and prevent you from meeting you in your practice.
Find those natural embers in yourself that ignite pleasure and make you feel the most like you. Your pleasure practice is unique and resembles the pleasure of no one else. Use this time to experiment and set aside porn for another time and discover what kind of masturbation is only yours.
Let us know how that feels by posting your ideas in the comments.
April 25 — Warm-Up Day
Glad you’re here! Only 5 more days to the start of the OG 2018 Masturbate-A-Thon! I hope you’ll be with us all the way. As with anything erotic, we get the most benefit when we prepare. Start thinking now about what you want from your month-long indulgence in erotic pleasure. Make yourself a short list of what you hope for and keep it where you can see it from time to time. Update your list during the month of May. You’ll be surprised at what you discover as you enjoy pleasure every day!
Check back tomorrow for another warm-up. Leave a note in the comments with your ideas!