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Peanut Butter Suicide

I attempted suicide last night. That’s right. I tried to kill myself with two tablespoons of all-natural peanut butter on two slices of 12-grain bread. What the heck is happening in my world when I can almost honestly say that?

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What the heck is happening in my world when I can almost honestly say that? I’m home alone, my libido is rampant, my wife is four nights out of town, and I’m sailing pretty low. Like any guy, I comfort myself with food, but raw cauliflower just didn’t cut it last night. My doc tells me I’m asking for a heart attack if I don’t lower my cholesterol — 257 and fantastic if it was a bowling average.

Sex, An Embodied State

I’m 160 pounds, fit, active, and have a great diet of fruits, vegetables, and not much fat. But what frustration! Here’s the salt in an already raw wound, and what you should know: Cholesterol, LDL, or the bad kind causes a coating on your arteries which will restrict blood flow to your heart. You know that, right? What we guys don’t think about is that our famous youthful erections are also dependent on that same gushing blood flow. Do you see where I’m going with this? Yep, a diet low in saturated fat and high in fiber as well as regular aerobic exercise also keeps your penis happy and at attention when you want it there and hopefully sometimes when you don’t.

That’s why for me a lousy peanut butter sandwich could be just the thing that inflicts the fatal wound. Maybe extreme talk, but I really hate it when we feel we have to control everything we do. Moderation in all things? Where’s the wildness? Where’s the outrageousness? Sex has to be crazy if you want to call it sex. How can it be crazy if I’m watching what I eat so that I don’t have a heart attack or even worse lose my erection?

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We guys have a constant struggle trying to be responsible kind of people yet wild and uninhibited in love. Women love a guy who is creative, spontaneous, and a bit unpredictable. And, we’re pretty jazzed when we realize that we’re that way, too. The secret is to find ways to stay alive, stay healthy, and not hurt anyone by doing what we need to do in order to lead a long orgasmic life.

So, take your medication, exercise with your honey, and skip fast food. Instead, fix something together in the wok — only nude.

Write me a comment.

Photo by Kate Remmer on Unsplash

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